For as long as I am alive I will regret my abortion

In my dreams my not-sleeping mind creates a full life for my baby. When I am
awake, I wonder what he’d be doing, what he’d look like, what career
would he have chosen, would he be married by now.

BY {related_entries id=”alternate_author”}For as long as I am alive I will
regret my abortion{/related_entries}

Editor’s Note: This is part four of a series on post-abortion recovery.
Jewels Green is a post-abortive mother of three who worked in an abortion
clinic before becoming pro-life. Read her original testimony here and her
other articles here. You can read Part I in this series on post-abortion
pain and recovery, here, part II, here, and part III here.

January 4, 2012 (LiveAction.org) – My personal history is extreme: high
school dropout, coerced abortion as a teenager, self-injury, attempted
suicide to escape the consuming guilt after killing my first baby, years
spent working in an abortion clinic (trying to convince myself that killing
children is acceptable), and finally accepting the truth and becoming
pro-life and continuing along the long road to recovery. While I recognize
and acknowledge that my experience is not common, it is not rare either, and
it is shameful and dishonest for the pro-abortion PR machine to churn out
propaganda pretending that post-abortion emotional trauma and regret do not
exist.

In my dreams my not-sleeping mind creates a full life for my baby. When I am
awake, I wonder what he’d be doing, what he’d look like, what career
would he have chosen, would he be married by now—would I be a grandmother
by now? There’s a thought that gives me great pause: so I exterminated not
only my first child but my grandchild(ren) as well… When I met Live
Action’s President and founder Lila Rose for the first time I was shaking
with the knowledge that she was only a handful of months older than my first
baby would be had I allowed him to live. There are times when fantasizing
about my unpresent child leads to wistful melancholy, but thankfully it has
not (again) led to the depths of despair and hopelessness it once had.

Join a Facebook page to end abortion here.

Recently, The British Journal of Psychiatry published an analysis of 14
years’ worth of research studies on the link between abortion and
subsequent mental health issues in women. Women who aborted had a much
higher risk of mental health problems compared to women who continued their
pregnancies. It is no wonder that the outlets for post-abortion healing and
recovery are numerous and diverse. For women seeking spiritual post-abortion
healing, Rachel’s Vineyard offers counseling (individual, group, and at
some places weekend retreats) at 150 locations across the United States. For
those wishing to seek solace through sharing your story visit Silent No
More. Private psychotherapy is also a path to recovery for regretful
post-abortive women who are in danger of depression, harming themselves or
others, or who have been unsuccessful in reconciling their grief with the
help of family, friends, or clergy.

My story doesn’t end here. This is, and will always be, a work in
progress. Like me. My healing can never end—for as long as I am alive I
will regret not giving birth to my first child, for as long as I am alive my
abortion will hurt—but it is how it hurts and how it affects my actions
today that matters. Do I regret my abortion? Yes. Do I miss my baby? Yes. Do
I still weep daily about it? No. When I feel the pain, longing, and loss
creep into my consciousness I acknowledge it, feel it, own it, then let it
go. Most of the time. I have completed some very comforting, self-directed
art therapy as part of my recovery, and I hope to participate in a
Rachel’s Vineyard retreat someday. And I share my story. I have written
about my time at the clinic and my conversion experience and have begun
speaking publicly about my experiences.

I find it impossible to close this series without sounding cliché: if even
one pregnant mother hearing my story of weakness, pain, regret, and shame
changes her mind and chooses life for her baby—if any hearts and minds
within the abortion industry are changed and clinic workers leave the
culture of death—it will have all been worth it.

Reprinted with permission from LiveAction.org

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/for-as-long-as-i-am-alive-i-will-regret-my-abortion/

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